Participation Awards: Week of 2/23
What's a good millennial without an "everybody gets a medal" ceremony? In this column, we look to highlight the best and worst people in the media from this past week. Nobody loses though. You're all snowflakes. Follow your dreams and don't get a day job.
The Shinier Participation Award
Elon Musk - The artist soon to be known as HAL 2000 just established the most expensive parking space available: space. This past week, the Tesla and SpaceX CEO pooled his resources together and combined his two empires in a way that a small child would: shooting his shiny red car into the stars. The Roadster, piloted by celebrity crash test dummy "Starman" is currently in orbit. According to sources, Kyrie Irving is looking to collaborate with SpaceX in order to send a pair of his signature basketball shoes into space as well. By pushing them off the edge of the Earth.
You can follow the progress of Starman and the Roadster here: https://www.space.com/39777-track-elon-musk-tesla-starman-website.html
The Award They Give to the Kids Who Suck
Fergie - If you follow basketball at all, you know that this past weekend featured the NBA's All-Star Festivities. The weekend long essentially-a-condensed-version-of-a-summer-basketball-camp featured some highlights. John "The Baptist" Collins threw down the most disgusting dunk in history via a no look alley-oop (or to the French, allez-oup) from Utah Jazz prodigy and eventual Slam Dunk Contest champion Donovan Mitchell. Despite the league's brightest stars bringing their A-games to the events, one not so All-Star performance won the weekend: Fergie's National Anthem. Go ahead. Search for it right now on YouTube. As a matter of fact, it's right up there. Look at that. Colin Kaepernick got called a "son of a bitch" for kneeling during this same song. Fergie "tried her best." It doesn't take a trained singer to realize something about Fergie's rendition was "off." Jazzy scoops and almost disrespectful liberties (pun intended) being taken with Francis Scott Key's masterpiece led to some of the most noteworthy backlash for a single performance since... uh... Rosie O'Donnell?
It's okay Fergie. We forgive you. At least you didn't kneel, right?
Gold star.
-NB
@noahfloods on word version of instagram
@noahleebreymeier on instagram version of instagram
The Shinier Participation Award
Elon Musk - The artist soon to be known as HAL 2000 just established the most expensive parking space available: space. This past week, the Tesla and SpaceX CEO pooled his resources together and combined his two empires in a way that a small child would: shooting his shiny red car into the stars. The Roadster, piloted by celebrity crash test dummy "Starman" is currently in orbit. According to sources, Kyrie Irving is looking to collaborate with SpaceX in order to send a pair of his signature basketball shoes into space as well. By pushing them off the edge of the Earth.
You can follow the progress of Starman and the Roadster here: https://www.space.com/39777-track-elon-musk-tesla-starman-website.html
The Award They Give to the Kids Who Suck
Fergie - If you follow basketball at all, you know that this past weekend featured the NBA's All-Star Festivities. The weekend long essentially-a-condensed-version-of-a-summer-basketball-camp featured some highlights. John "The Baptist" Collins threw down the most disgusting dunk in history via a no look alley-oop (or to the French, allez-oup) from Utah Jazz prodigy and eventual Slam Dunk Contest champion Donovan Mitchell. Despite the league's brightest stars bringing their A-games to the events, one not so All-Star performance won the weekend: Fergie's National Anthem. Go ahead. Search for it right now on YouTube. As a matter of fact, it's right up there. Look at that. Colin Kaepernick got called a "son of a bitch" for kneeling during this same song. Fergie "tried her best." It doesn't take a trained singer to realize something about Fergie's rendition was "off." Jazzy scoops and almost disrespectful liberties (pun intended) being taken with Francis Scott Key's masterpiece led to some of the most noteworthy backlash for a single performance since... uh... Rosie O'Donnell?
It's okay Fergie. We forgive you. At least you didn't kneel, right?
Gold star.
-NB
@noahfloods on word version of instagram
@noahleebreymeier on instagram version of instagram
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