Moderate Incongruity #2: Swipe to Survive -- The State of Modern Dating

No matter what anyone says, online dating is weird and a half. If Jennifer Anniston walked straight up to me in an effort to convince me that it isn’t a weird concept, I’d stand my ground because I am a man of my word.  

Okay, if early 2000s Mila Kunis walked up to me and did the same thing, welllll, the story may differ. To be fair, I’d drop what values I have, chop an arm off, jab some random dude eating a hotdog’s hotdog into his face, find the nearest suburb to yell Taylor Swift sucks, and piss all over a nice old woman sitting peacefully on a bench if Mila Kunis even said words to me.

So now that it has been established that I am a hypocrite with no values (totally avoidable reflection of my character), let’s talk about the weirdness of online dating!!!

Much like anything else online, there is a lack of transparency in online dating.  You can’t look someone in the eyes online. There is no gauge of “vibe” online.  For instance, when a high school senior is visiting a college, he/she may step foot on campus and immediately think, “This is it.”  With almost no knowledge, just a gut feeling, a decision can be made.  Similarly, somebody may see someone at a party, or supermarket (probably a party, but you never know), and the two may lock eyes, experiencing lust… love at first sight.  Then they may exchange a couple of words, blah blah blah, and make the decision in their brains (and also words) to hang out later.  That right there is the thing missing from online dating.  Online dating doesn’t feel natural.

You can see a very attractive person who shares some of your interests according to his/her profile, but until you meet this person, how are you supposed to know if he/she isn’t a creep?  Or a well-established catfisher? (A creep)

Obviously people lie all the time in person.  It’s human nature.  It’s also human nature to be able to detect a load of bullshit based on body language and tone. There is an easily accessible skepticism radar that comes with in-person interaction. Yeah, you have to, like, talk to a person which can be scary in it’s own way, but you can gather an impression of a person with relatively little effort. 

Online dating makes deception extremely easy.  It’s hard to notice that a person’s height is boosted three or four inches online. It’s hard to tell that a person’s pictures are all a tad photoshopped.  What if he/she leaves some key information out of the bio or “about me” section, like the part about being a meth-head, axe murderer leprechaun? Pictures don’t always tell the story.  And neither does the person trying to date you online.

Clearly, my point of view has some traces of cynicism.  I’m not going to trust a girl online because “Lorraine also likes basketball and The Departed.”  What if Lorraine has toes for fingers? What if she has grandchildren?  What if she actually believes that Stevie Wonder is blind? I guess I’m a bit old school… or immature… stubborn, maybe.  It’s just that online dating is weird as shit.  You can like it or dislike it.  I don’t care.  I still use it, which as I’m writing doesn’t really make a whole lot of sense.  Alright, maybe it isn’t actually a bad weird?  There’s the silver lining… BOOM!  Weird isn’t automatically bad.

~get weird~

-Ben Taha

@barackOtaha on twitter and instagram